by Geoff Brabec Nothing can prepare you for losing a child, I know that I was not ready. When thinking back to almost 7 years ago when we had to say goodbye to our first born Olivia Hope, I can remember it being a very numbing experience. We only had 5 hours to spend with her after she was born and then she was gone. In some ways, I only truly felt like I was a Father during those 5 hours that her mother and I had to spend with her in NICU. We sat with her, holding her,...
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This post is part of our “Meet our Volunteers” series where we introduce you to a Sharing Parents volunteer, his or her story and baby(ies), and what they appreciate about volunteering. Name: Nicola Baby’s Loss Date: October 7, 2014 Volunteer Role: Outreach Coordinator 5 years ago I gave birth to our second child, Ezekiel. We found out very early in my pregnancy that he had a lethal form of dwarfism that was “not compatible with life.” This is a random genetic mutation that happens at conception. We chose to carry him to term and on October 7, 2014 he was…
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Center for Loss & Life Transition www.centerforloss.com “Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.” — Pliny the Elder The caller to the Center for Loss asked a question that is on the hearts of many right now: “Are we going to get through this?” It became obvious as the conversation continued that she was experiencing feelings of grief and in search of borrowing some much-needed hope. As I hung up the phone after 20 minutes, I found myself yearning to write about hope, because, especially during difficult times like these, it is indeed...
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by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Center for Loss & Life Transition www.centerforloss.com The coronavirus is not only causing a viral pandemic—it is giving rise to a pandemic of grief. As I write this, in mid-March, we as a global community are suffering so many losses that I hardly know where to begin. Death and grief go hand-in-hand, of course. Thousands of people have already died of COVID-19 worldwide. Many more are dying right now. These are terrible losses for the loved ones of these precious individuals, and they will need our support and empathy in the months to come....
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By Emma Hansen Dear fellow mom, There is so much I want to say to you — so much I want you to know. But everything will fall short because if you are reading this then you are grieving your child and for that I am so sorry. I want you to know that it doesn’t matter how many times you kissed their little toes. Maybe you’re still waiting for the second line to turn pink or the adoption to be finalized. Maybe you had to say goodbye before you could even say hello. Maybe you had years to watch…
By Rachel Libby When our first son Oliver was stillborn on his due date almost six years ago, my tech savvy and quick thinking sister immediately made it so no one could post on my Facebook wall. I wasn’t particularly interested in checking in on it at the time but she wisely knew that even one well intentioned “is the baby here yet?” post on my wall would be much too much for me to handle. During my twenty four hours of labor we had just enough time to make those worst phone calls, spreading the word of our loss…
By Dr. Jen Gunter There is a chance that you will receive a holiday card this year from someone who lost a baby right before or right after birth. Someone like me. When someone who lost a baby puts together a holiday card, the family photo, if we are brave enough to include one, is never quite right because it is missing someone. The updates we write about our lives are always incomplete because there is an untold story. We are perpetual hosts to a spirit that not even Dickens imagined, the Ghost of a Christmas That Can Never Be….
By Kurt Seckington This past June, I sat on a granite ledge fifteen feet above the crystal clear water of Ralston Lake, in the Sierra Nevada’s Desolation Wilderness, watching a driftwood “E” float lazily across the lake’s surface. In our family we have a tradition of celebrating our second son, Everett, who was stillborn at 38 weeks on May 22, 2012, by creating “E”s when we are out in the wilderness. We have drawn “E”s in the sand on deserted, windswept beaches, written “E”s with water on warm granite cobbles, and, like this day in the Sierra, placed 4 sticks…
By Dr. Joanne Cacciatore I am a mother. I am a bereaved mother. My child died, and this is my reluctant path. It is not a path of my choice, but it is a path I must walk mindfully and with intention. It is a journey through the darkest night of my soul and it will take time to wind through the places that scare me. Every cell in my body aches and longs to be with my beloved child. On days when grief is loud, I may be impatient, distracted, frustrated, and unfocused. I may get angry more easily,…
By Claire McCarthy, M.D. I am the mother of a child who died. And that makes Mother’s Day very hard. Recently I was talking to a mother whose child had just died. “What about Mother’s Day?” she asked, through tears. It was hard to know what to say, because it’s a terrible day for those of us who have lost a child. Other days of the year you can maybe make it a few hours without thinking about your loss; other days of the year you can pretend that you are an ordinary person and that life is normal. But…
