This post is part of our “Meet our Volunteers” series where we introduce you to a Sharing Parents volunteer, his or her story and baby(ies), and what they appreciate about volunteering.
Name: Megan
Babies’ Loss Dates: May 1, 2018, October 11, 2017, and October 5, 2018
Volunteer Role: Megan supports Sharing Parents in various capacities and dedicates her strengths where needed.
I am on a journey. Although it’s uniquely personal, I know it’s been shared by many women. It’s a journey that no one signs up for and when it happens, we feel unprepared. Yet, some-how we make it through…
My husband and I really wanted a baby, and were at a great place in life to make that dream come true. We were healthy, in love, and things seemed ready to fall into place. The thought of a miscarriage had never entered my mind. Plus, we’d seen that beautiful fluttering heartbeat on the ultrasound at 8 weeks, so all was well.
Yet, at my 12 weeks ultrasound, that little flutter had disappeared. Shock, and sadness engulfed me. I miscarried at home 2 months later. We did genetic testing, and the baby had an extra set of chromosomes. It was never going to be. We buried him with a Lantana plant, placed on our patio.
Then came a second miscarriage. It wasn’t any easier. I experienced it differently than the first, a different wave of emotions. Confusion, annoyance, a need to be distracted. Why was this happening? Not having answers was hard to accept. I reluctantly planted another Lantana. It took a while to feel ready to try again. I quickly moved on from the first miscarriage, but this one needed time.
Eventually I got there, and I was all in. I had done a lot of healing work, and truly put all my faith and energy into the next pregnancy. I was determined to manifest a baby! Yet, the universe had other plans. Miscarriage #3. I was devastated, and I was angry. Angry at the whole process, the baby, God, myself, all of it. There was no pretty Lantana or memorial this time, only darkness.
Yet, with time, effort, and support I made it through. I found a strength I didn’t know I had. Sharing Parents was a part of that process. I used the tools from the Navigating Grief Series. Their deep understanding of the grief a family is experiencing fostered my trust, and I felt supported.
Through volunteering, I help others feel a piece of that comfort and solace. Our community needs the consolation Sharing Parents offers and I wish that every family on this journey knew of and connected with them. We’re here to support each other.
My family, friends, Sharing Parents, and my personal practices have guided my healing. I know there will always be a part of me on this journey, since it will forever shape who I am. But, I now have a deeper reverence for the whole experience that I think only time and reflection can offer, and I am grateful for that.
I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant and all is going well. Blessed be.
Also, I did eventually plant something for the third sweet baby… a beautiful Geranium.
